I am not happy.

I know that for a fact because I'm frowning. I seem to lack interest in all that I do. I cant concentrate to do my work at all. I find them repelling. I need to detox my mind. Free it, clean it well before I let more things enter. I feel overwhelmed. My to-do list is accumulating. I need to rest & recharge first. Then, I can find one day to sit down and clear out all my work. Now is not the time. Not today.

Lord, help me.. :(

Panasonic Core Trainer EU7805

I am a couch potato. I think this is useful. Cost: $2688. Should I get it? Been thinking about this for months...

Be Content.

Indeed, nothing else in this world can ever make you happier than being pleased & at ease with what I already have.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us therewith content." - 1 Tim 6:6-8

- I have food, I have clothes. I should be contented. :)

"Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." - Heb 13:5

- Stop comparing! There is always someone better & stronger than me out there. So what's the point? If I keep comparing, I'll be sucked into a never-ending desire to outperform others; I'll never be happy.

- Watched Absolute Boyfriend (Jap serial) yesterday. This robot is created to love his master. His entire thoughts are focused on how to make his master (gf) happy. As long as she is happy, he is happy. To do that, he doesn't mind working as a cleaner in the same company as her, and he doesn't feel inferior about it. He even has many friends in the company! He will cook and go to lengths to make sure she is taken care of. He will consider her needs and feelings first. Well, he is a robot, so it is not possible for us humans to go to such extremes. But my point is, be happy, be contented & do what I truly like!

- I don't live in other people's mind or mouth. People are usually concerned about themselves. I am but a passerby in a person's life. That person may perceive me as a friend or a competitor. It is up to me to position myself to that person. And of course, I wish to make more friends than enemies or strangers. Hence, I must position myself as someone helpful, kind, caring, considerate, friendly and non-threatening. To be non-threatening, I must first love myself for who I am and be contented. Only then can I have the space in my heart and mind to consider others & think about them.

- Conclusion: Postpone or forsake my plans of doing MBA totally. I must first concentrate on being contented with who I am. And I know I will not be contented until I at least begin to try the things I like e.g. dance, play piano, keep fit, wake up early (disciplined).

From today onwards, I shall only indulge myself in the things I like. Add oil! :)

I Need Girlfriends!

Had a chat with a colleague 3 yrs younger than me.. She's fun-loving, simple-minded and loves to group with her girlfriends many evenings a week to have her massage & manicure sessions. She has no plans for the future nor did she think so far. All she want is to be the best in her job during working hours, and play & totally unwind after working hours..

Out having fun

Sounds fun. Sounds nice. Not the massage & manicure sessions, but the gathering with her girlfriends. I wish I have ever-ready pals that I can call upon anytime, and share everything under the sun. But due to diverse interests, I don't have friends that share same interests with me, or that I can relate to/ count upon. Casual friends don't count. I need those that I can simply dial her number at 2am & pour out my troubles.. I want at least 2 others.. As I go through names & faces in my mind, some qualify, but they cant be put together. Some got married and cant afford to give me the attention/ time I need.. But..

Grooming & Sharing together

All is not lost! I came across a blog that talks about how she finally got her close group of girlfriends after she had children.. So I firmly believe that in time, I will have my girlfriends in my life. I must settle down 1st. Being too fluttery with what I like is not going to get me anywhere.

Dining together once a month..

Why am I INTP?

I was pondering over the pros & cons of being an introvert and concluded that an extrovert would probably fare better in life. I prefer an 'E'. I'll have more friends this way. I'll get to learn new things and be exposed to much more instead of being cooped up in my own mind. This I don't like. The cooping up, and the lag time taken to react to a group conversation/ express an opinion.

Then, I came across this front cover:

I haven't read the book but I get the message. But then, it led me to think. Why am I an introvert? I don't think it's solely in the genes. It's due to environment, influences and exposure. So.. this means I can convert into an extrovert if I want to push myself along that direction?

I decided that I'll learn to change based on my earlier conclusion that I'll get to learn more by being with others. If I ever take a personality test again, I hope I get a ENTP or something similar. I must develop a liking to conversing with others, and not fear awkward silences/ lack of topic to discuss. I must read more to even manage a monologue if necessary. That's the extra step I need to take to convert to an 'E'. It's a chore, yes. But I'll manage. Let's see. :)

INTP Relationships

Well, it is Valentine's Day yesterday & I spent it with my sister... so, what kinda guy am I supposed to look for? I was confused until the passage below lights up a certain part in me. Yeah, it's true. I just like intelligent guys. :)

Intelligent Guy

"INTPs live rich worlds inside their minds, which are full of imagination and excitement. Consequently, they sometimes find the external world pales in comparison. This may result in a lack of motivation to form and maintain relationships. INTPs are not likely to have a very large circle of significant relationships in their lives. They're much more likely to have a few very close relationships, which they hold in great esteem and with great affection.

Since the INTP's primary focus and attention is turned inwards, aimed towards seeking clarity from abstract ideas, they are not naturally tuned into others' emotional feelings and needs. They tend to be difficult to get to know well, and hold back parts of themselves until the other person has proven themselves "worthy" of hearing the INTP's thoughts. Holding Knowledge and Brain Power above all else in importance, the INTP will choose to be around people who they consider to be intelligent. Once the INTP has committed themself to a relationship, they tend to be very faithful and loyal, and form affectionate attachments which are pure and straight-forward. The INTP has no interest or understanding of gameplaying with regards to relationships. However, if something happens which the INTP considers irreconciliable, they will leave the relationship and not look back."

Oh, and this criteria comes in 2nd. First & foremost, he must be a Christian. Not a charismatic Christian. Preferably one who reads the bible & knows God intimately. :)

Nb: I don't consider myself smart. There's nothing intimidating abt me. I live a simple life & have simple requests. Really.

Things I like - My 10 year plan~

These are the activites I like, & hope to accomplish at some point in time...


Dancer (Lyrical Jazz)

              

Horseback Riding

 

    

Artist (Landscape, Portrait, Comic)



Pianist (Church, Classical, Jazz)





Been thinking about doing these for the longest time! Now that I've finally graduated, I'll just have to focus on earning enough to finance these lessons... But then again, maybe I should just go for MBA before starting on these.. hmm.. Just another 2 years of studies.. should be alright.. We'll see.